In The Mood

It has been a while since I wrote one of these long-winded blogs as I have been in the drawing mode more lately, but let's start one and see where we end up...


I am feeling good!  I am enjoying the busking again, I have pocketsful o geld again and some suave new acquisitions of suits and shoes.  I got a nice new website and a new digital domain that I can make beautiful and fill with my art.  I love to make any space I occupy beautiful.  I made my studio very beautiful up to the last moment I was there; I was still placing things in their perfect positions and fixing the pictures that fell from the wall.  My final day I went with a good heart to work, tried some vocals, did some vocalising, wrote some lyrics and then went to my good friend Herr Hoffmans and procured 6 kindles for the ensuing end ceremony of my year there.


I was 2 Kindles in when I made the first incision.  It was a Picasso in the middle.  Once I did the first one the energy just rushed over me.  "Tear it down, tear it down!"  Scott Walker was playing on the playlist as I picked picture after picture down whilst scrooning along with Scott's 'Mathilde'.  It had been my own little space to make beautiful and to become a better musician.  I succeeded.  On that last day I did my usual vocal warm ups and realised I could do without the piano.  I could sing the scale on my own!  This was a big acheivement for me as I have wanted to control my voice more through these last years, not just scream out the lyrics with passion, but sing a set melody.  


The pictures continued to tumble as memories of my time there flashed back to me.  As I ripped all the furniture out of place and bagged my things I felt this incredible liberation.  Like building a great sandcastle and then jumping on it.  You feel so free when you are not afraid to let any thing you own go.  All these things I had taken so much love in placing into their perfect positions to make a very cozy workspace were put in the corridor to go on to their next life.  I kept my books and speakers of course and a few bits of lighting but everything else just went.  I thought back to my time at the Magneet festival when everyone worked so hard to make a great place for a 6 week party and then the last few days where we burnt nearly all of it and put the place back to how it was when we arrived.


And I am happy about it.  It was a wonderful phase in my Berlin adventure but nothing lasts forever and you have to go with the flow of the Universe.  I felt I would concentrate on the busking again.  I had lost the love for it over the summer and was close to giving up, but I persevered and started to enjoy it again.   Then when my good friend Louis came back from Canada he joined me and we made some brilliant busks together!  This lasted about a month before he flew back to Canada for a great studio job, I was sad to see him go of course, but the momentum has lasted with me and I feel I am in a good flow with the busking.  I am enjoying it again and making some nice geld.  I don't have the distraction of the studio and have been putting a good energy and enjoyment into each evening.  Since I don't have the studio I have been going to the Ubahns late at night when noone is there and not using a mic but just experimenting with my voice.  Trying to sing like they did in the twenties, or really cracking it.


I have been drawing lots aswell, my friend has a very wonderful digital easel.  It is like magic as you draw on this glass screen with lots of different brushes and options.  (Did I mention you can buy lovely print outs in the 'Shop' section, nudge nudge, wink wink ;)  I have been going out drinking much less these days, I loved to go out and meet random people, reading palms and finding the crazy and beautiful characters from all over the world.  I would buy myself a few Stortebekers and drift through the city looking for the music and the soul of the city.  But for the last month or so I have just been thinking of busking as my night out.  Now that Louis has gone it takes me a beer or two to really get into it and enjoy it.  Drinking is a good busking tool, especially German pilsener.  So I have a few beers and sing some songs and come home with a nice hat.  


I have also gone through this identity change, I have felt like I have been leading a double life.  Since being in Berlin I have gone solely on my artist name 'Winston Freeman' and the more I did, the more I felt I was separating myself from my old identity and birth name.  It kinda felt like I was wearing a mask and needed to hide my past in order to believe that I am this character I created.  I consider myself an honest person, but sometimes felt I was lying and hiding something when I introduced myself as Winston.  You can't really escape who you were born as, as your name is engraved into you.  I wonder how other artists felt who changed their name.  Freddie Mercury, Elton John.  Bob Dylan and David Bowie just changed their second names.  It is important to seperate yourself a little from your art, but it was just strange in personal relationships to be called Winston.  I have started introducing myself as Colin now, and I feel more real.  There are a lot of people who will always know me as Winston and I am fine with that.  


It started as my writers name, like George Orwell.  It was in-fact taken a little from 1984, the main character from that novel.  It is also the middle name of John Lennon and it has very powerful phonetics.  Win- Stone - Ton - Wins.  The surname of Freeman is self explanatory.   I answer to no one but myself.  It will always be my pen name and I like it very much, but I felt I shouldn't try to hide my real identity.  Although, a big inspiration for doing it was reading 'Castaneda' and Don Juan says it is best to be mysterious, never let anyone know too much about you.  I thought that was great advice, but how can I say that I adhere to it when I pour out my secrets and life in journals the whole world can (and does) read. 


Well, this is turning out quite long so I think I might just leave it here for now, but I feel great and inspired to write more now that I have this new website and blog.  I am soulfully searching for an ever changing me along a long winding road.  I give myself to the holy trinity of Writing Words, Painting Pictures and Making Music.  My life blood.




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Comments: 2
  • #1

    James Michaels (Monday, 19 November 2018)

    Hey man, I am a busker myself and you inspired me to set out and start travelling. Thanks for doing what you're doing.

  • #2

    Edith Bauer (Monday, 19 November 2018 22:40)

    Hej, Winston! I saw you playing at U-bhf Eisenacher Str. last week and you were amazing! Thank you for the CD, I have been playing it nonstop this whole of last week ;) I would like to see you again. LG Edith